hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i think my tv is drunk
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
