Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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