hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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