ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
