mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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