Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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