She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
