You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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