On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize