The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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