meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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