So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
