At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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