i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Randomize
