he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize