You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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