there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
