i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
