i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
