While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
