I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
