it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
