I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I wish i was in the wii world.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize