Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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