is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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