her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
