Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
