god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
