at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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