Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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