His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I will be naked everywhere
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize