remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
