Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
