i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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