evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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