Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
