i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
