So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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