what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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