Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
