His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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