How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
