I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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