I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
