The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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