Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
