She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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