I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
time to smoke my breakfast
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
