Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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