I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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