sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
