Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
