can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize