This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
