remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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