Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
