Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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