I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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