I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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