Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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