I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
