Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
