how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
