Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
