I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
