did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
