Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize