White coat. Heels.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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