Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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