cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
