Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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