That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Randomize
