weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
