last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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