i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I wear drunk well.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
