when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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