and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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