Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
is wine microwaveable?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
