ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
