His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
