Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
