we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
