You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize