I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
