he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
