You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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