i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
