If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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