Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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