If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
