You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
