He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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