I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I need water and some morals
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
