She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
